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The House Of Bamboo, 1999 and beyond




An Average Day : Us, average? Mean, more like.
Let's be honest, who can really be arsed reading all of this website? There is far too much quality writing and HTML fancies to take in at once. Henceforth, we present to you a succinct summary of the typical day in University life for you to peruse at your discretion.

This study takes into account all three years spent at University by a typical member of any of the households presented to you on this website. Of course, only the important facts are considered so you don't have to skip all the boring bits. So, come now and live a life that is full and rich, the life of Wenty Scum/The Ladz/The Lindley Dozen...

Chronology



11:30am Average wake-up time
11:35am First wank
12pm Breakfast, consisting of nothing or tea
1pm Play cards/board game/computer game
2.30pm Pay visit to corner shop. Get sweet-meats.
3.30pm Possible mid-afternoon wank. Draw curtains.
4.30pm Contemplate take-away.
6pm Watch the Simpsons
7.30pm Get take-away.
8pm Venture down to bar.
10pm Head off into town.
11pm Piss off members of nightclub queue/bouncer/bar staff.
1am Try it on. Get rejected.
2:30am Kick out time. Get special burger.
3:30am Arrive home.
4am Go on rampage/vomit/sing loudly/act homosensual.
5am Collapse to the dulcet tones of Richard Whiteley.


Food and Drink



Average number of pints of lager consumed: 4
Probability of special burger: 20%
Probability of Fried: 45%
Average bags of crisps: 2
Average bags of pork scratchings: One trotter
Possibility of vegetables: 3%
Average microwaveable delights: 1
Most-used oven setting: 200 degrees
Average quantity of tea downed: 2 cups
Least-used kitchen appliance: Wok
Average quantity of soft drink consumed: 1 litre
Probability of chips with meal: 75%
Most likely pizza species: Meat Feast
Average bags of sweeties: 1
Average number of diet foods: 0


Leisure Interests



Average number of wanks: 2
Probability of third mid-afternoon wank: 40%
Minutes playing IS: 50
Minutes playing real fotball: 3
Percentage of lectures attended: 35%
Hours playing card games: 1
Hours playing board games: 1.5
Probability of afternoon wake-up: 25%
Minutes of videos watched: 173
Minutes spent singing in shower: 2
Average amount of time spent working (excluding revision): 0
Hours abusing the internet 1.5


Out and about



Average number of funny looks from people: 2
Minutes spent in total at the bar: 25
Minutes spent in front of urinals: 10
Average going out time: 8:30pm
Average coming home time: 3am
Girls offended: 3
Girls impressed: 0.3
Men impressed: 7
Probability of being approached to take part in a lesbian threesome: 0.7%
Probability of dancing with a hom: 15%
Hours spent in nightclub: 3
Average number of bottles of VK downed: 7
Probability of leaving club with total strangers: 58%
Probability of retaining one's dignity: Surprisingly high.
Chances of staying in: Slim to none.


Education



Probability of attending 9:15 lecture 15%
10:15 20%
11:15 60%
12:15 65%
1:15 70%
2:15 72%
3:15 65%
4:15 40%
5:15 30%
Average number of looks of disbelief you have attended a lecture 3
Number of people you don't like off your course 25
Number of people you do like 2
Average number of minutes spent in a one hour practical 7
Percentage of lecture spent doodling 35%
Number of questions asked or answered in lecture 0
Probability of making supervisor's meeting on time 40%
Number of course-related e-mails sent 0
Number of porn e-mails received 27
Minutes of concentration 3


And that concludes our statistical survey. Hopefully, you have gained a brief yet thorough insight into the workings of a typical day at the University of York. Take it from us, there ain't nuffink like an average where we was stayin', like. Ahem.




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thehob.co.uk by A. Findlay 2002-2004
...Until I get bored again.