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The House Of Bamboo, 1999 and beyond




third year 01-02
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Lindley Dozen : 12 reasons to lock up your daughters
Did you ever see The Dirty Dozen? Twelve mismatched, but loveable, criminals are pressed into completing an almost impossible mission under the guise of the laconic Lee Marvin. In the end they all die but they get the mission done, and in some style too.

Now, think of the twelve bastards that occupied Lindley D as the criminals and Lee Marvin as, erm, Ken the Cleaner. The mission of course was to complete third year and get some sort of degree out of the three years at York. But, they don't die. And some of us were on a four year course and still had another year to go. Hang on, this is a bit of a crap analogy isn't it?

Never mind. Here we present to you the 'Lindley Dozen' for your edutainment and personal safety. Remember the faces and cross over to the other side of the street when you see them coming. Arhrghr!


Ground Floor In-mates


  Robert Coates
Age: 19
Aliases: Rock, Rockin' Rob
Cell #: 01
Charge: BSc Mathematics
Sentence: 3 years
Profile: We hate to admit it, but Rock was all right. Gah! The only first year who managed to earn the respect of at least some of the third years, Rock was constantly under the impression that he was good at ISS. Now to be seen around the Tang Hall area, approach with caution.



  Philip Marshall
Age: 19
Aliases: Little Phil
Cell #: 02
Charge: BSc Mathematics
Sentence: 3 years
Profile: Little Phil was probably the best behaved in the house and as such not much is known about this particular first year. The first of the two Phils alphabetically, he had a canoe in his room, which may or may not have been used for canoeing. Shocker.



First Floor In-mates


  Thomas Joslin
Age: 21
Aliases: Blonde Tom, Blondezvous
Cell #: 11
Charge: BSc Computer Science
Sentence: 3 years
Profile: Along with Al, has recently completed a three year sentence in Computer Science. Blonde could frequently be heard to 'freestyle' 'rap' and 'hip hop' with his fellow in-mates, Andy and Dan. Also, the only one of the chaps to finish Uni with a girlfriend. YOU CUNT!



  Philip Young
Age: 19
Aliases: Wacky Phil, Fil
Cell #: 12
Charge: BSc Mathematics
Sentence: 3 years
Profile: The second of the first year Phils, Wacky Phil gained a reputation as being the craziest first year in the house after bringing back a roadwork cone back to D one night. Also responsible, along with Little Phil, for one of the four fire alarms Lindley D incurred.



  Aaron Tinney
Age: 21
Aliases: Tinnoir, Aero Tiny
Cell #: 13
Charge: BA English Literature
Sentence: 3 years
Profile: Master Tinney is the most dangerous of the 'Lindley Dozen'. Frequently seen to be picking fights at campus events, he should be avoided at all costs. Constantly hurls abuse at neighbours and has recently gained a reputation as a wife-beater.



  Dan Carvalho
Age: 21
Aliases: Cardiaclo
Cell #: 14
Charge: BSc Economics
Sentence: 3 years
Profile: Another HoB survivor, Dan cooled his sleaze tactics off considerably in the final year. However if you happen to work for Costcutters keep your distance. Other wholesome activities Master Carvalho took part in included bush-diving, playing ISS and general homfoolery.



  Alistair Findlay
Age: 21
Aliases: Alan, Fat Al
Cell #: 15
Charge: BSc Computer Science
Sentence: 3 years
Profile: During the third year, Al could be seen to be taking part in many nocturnal activities such as bin-riding, rollerblading, caterwauling and generally disturbing the peace. A former HoB recruit, Al is now recovering from his three year sentence as a CompSci.



  Richard Morfitt
Age: 21
Aliases: Morf, Morfamillion
Cell #: 16
Charge: BSc Mathematics
Sentence: 3 years
Profile: Occasional songwriter and frequent stoner Morf was the first of the dozen to seal D's reputation as noisy bastards. A mere week into the third year, Master Morfitt played 'Grandma We Love You' at full volume on his newly-acquired record player at 2am. The neighbours duly responded with derogatory claims that Richard was a 'gobshite'. How astute they were.



Second Floor In-mates


  Thomas Levitt
Age: 21
Aliases: Ginger Tom, Madman
Cell #: 21
Charge: BA History
Sentence: 3 years
Profile: The second of the Toms, Ginger gained a swift reputation as being the most mentally imbalanced of the twelve. Has a particular skill in including the most bizarre references in his History essays (Noel Edmonds anyone?) and possesses a flair for picking football XI's. In other words, avoid if you wish to remain sane.



  Andy Southcombe
Age: 21
Aliases: Andrew
Cell #: 22
Charge: MSc Physics
Sentence: 4 years
Profile: Andy is still serving his four year sentence in Physics. Will be seen roaming around the Kwik Save area of York next year so be warned. He should be avoided at all costs, especially if you happen to have chocolate digestives on your person.



  Toby Whiffin
Age: 21
Aliases: Tobias
Cell #: 23
Charge: BEng Electronics
Sentence: 4 years
Profile: Toby managed to continue his trend for alcoholism into the third year by discovering the most lethal drink known to man, White Strike. Furthermore, combined with white wine in a pint glass to create 'Wine Strike'. Also, heard to disturb neighbours with bottle throwing and name-chanting. Verdict: Souse.



  Brett Curtis
Age: 26
Aliases: The Enigma
Cell #: 24
Charge: BSc Computer Science
Sentence: 3 years
Profile: Mr. Curtis did his three years in two stages, finishing off his final year six years after his first two. In his final year, gained an immediate reputation as an arsonist, rarely ever to be seen during the daylight hours. Will probably never be seen again come to think of it.





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