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The House Of Bamboo, 1999 and beyond




second year 00-01
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Eighth Member of the House : Could you live at 54?
Let's face it, you'd be hard pressed to find a house with so much culture and sophistication as number 54. So why not find out if you possess the right qualities to fit in to such an awe-inspiring house? Here we present the twenty most important questions that will determine your ability to live in a house like 54.

Come now friends, sharpen your mind, dull your wit and take the only test in the world whose results mean absolutely nothing!


Join us!


1. It's the end of the day and you could eat the arse off a rhinoceros. But, arrhg, the kitchen is a shithole. What do you do?

I would


2. Which is the correct combination?

The correct combination is


3. There are stale pizza crusts on the floor. What do you do about it?

I would


4. How many water-filled condoms does it take to fill a standard house bathtub?

You could get dirty water-balloons in my bath.



5. The floor is wet in the bathroom. Why?

It is obviously because


6. Complete this sentence...

Fuck my bum


7. What is the proper etiquette when one has to flatulate?

I would


8. What does a 'special burger' consist of?

It is made up of



9. It is the start of a brilliant, bright sunny morning. What is the first thing you do?

I would


10. What is borsch?

It is


11. What is the one thing you could easily go without doing for a year?

I would fuck off and no mistake.


12. Which of these is your favourite word?

I like the sound of


13. Thirteen is unlucky for some. What would be unlucky for the house?

It would be a proper bastard if



14. Do you ever wash your bathtowels?

I would have to say


15. What is the maximum lifespan of a standard mansize tissue?

The maximum-lifespan tissue lasts


16. Which of these diseases would make a great name for a nightclub dance move?

I would dance the



17. Which of these would be the most useful skill to have in the house?

I would have skills in


18. Complete this well-known phrase...

You can always rely on at all times


19. What is the highest bill you are likely to pay?

It is the bill.


20. And finally, what is pi to ten decimal places?

I would have to say


Mark me up, landlord!


That test was too hard





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...Until I get bored again.