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The House Of Bamboo, 1999 and beyond




Scams : I'm not paying full price!
Hello, tight person. You have come to the right place if you want to squeeze every last penny out of each and every meagre pound in your moth-infested wallet. Here you will find a list of scams that may or may not work, but are possible in theory. If any actually do work, tell me because I need all the money I can get. However, don't tell anyone else about these scams otherwise the companies will twig what's going on and come knocking at my door. Start saving money now.

Incorrect change scam
This is a bit of a risky one but pays out the most if done correctly and with confidence (and in a busy nightclub). Make a distinguishable mark on a 20 note, e.g. a name or a number. Now, get one of your friends to buy a drink with it. He should get change for a 20. You then go up to the bar and buy a drink for a tenner. You get the change back for a tenner. At this point, unleash the scam! Complain that you gave them a twenty pound note. They will argue back. Then say that the 20 note you gave him had a mark on it. The bartender will look at it and hopefully apologise and give you the change. The chances of this are extremely slim and you'll probably get kicked out of the club anyway. Worth a try though!

KFC scam
What distinguishes some branches of KFC from McDonald's and Burger King is that they give receipts. These can be used to your advantage if you know the little tricks. First, you have to buy something from KFC. The larger the better. Ask for a receipt and take your KFC meal. Note the name of the guy who serves you. Back home, after finishing your lovely grub, get a hold of the KFC branch number. Complain to the branch that you bought a meal/bucket to take away and they forgot to put something in that you ordered. They will ask what time you came in and what you ordered exactly - this is on the receipt. They will also ask who served you. When you make your complaint, complain about something that is realistic. For example, for a bucket, complain that it has two less pieces of chicken (e.g. I got a mega bucket when I wanted Super Mega), or that it had four portions of fries instead of six. For a meal, complain that the fries/coleslaw/beans/gravy weren't in the order. These excuses are believeable. The results of this scam are usually a free meal if you have the balls to do it!

"Large? I asked for medium!" scam
A scam used very rarely because it usually doesn't work and it's too much hassle for what you save. Anyway, if you want, here is the scam. Order a large pizza/kebab/burger etc. from a pizza place. When the delivery guy comes and says how much it is, question what the order was. Then, you come up with the line, "Large? I asked for medium!". If you persist, you may get away with it. But the results are so little, it's only worth it if you are really hard up. However, there is an extension to this scam that can give results but only if you live in a place where the pizza guy can't deliver to your door (e.g. block of flats) and has to wait for you at reception. The scam is to order a pizza and then wait for it at reception. However, when the pizza guy arrives and asks if the pizza is for you, say it isn't. Wait until he is about to leave and then offer to buy the pizza off him. If you haggle, you may get it cheaper! The only drawback is that you'll probably have to pay full price anyway.

Cash point money eating scam
This scam is a tricky one because no-one we know has ever tried it. In theory, it seems a good idea though! The principle is based on the fact that cash points take the money back in if you don't take it in time. The idea of the scam is that you withdraw a large amount (say 50) and only take a tenner from the 50 pushed out by the machine. Hoepfully, the cash point will take back the remaining money, thinking that it has taken back 50, when in fact it has 40! A free tenner! I don't advise you try it on an important bank account - you might get done!

Film sequel website domain name prediction scam
I love this scam. Not only does it have the best title of a scam, it can actually work if you think about it hard enough. There you are, surfing the net, checking out the latest film news at The Internet Movie Database when you read about the latest sequel to Friday The 13th, Jason X. You realise that this movie must have a webshite. But then, you think a little harder and realise that the film studio must have registered JasonX.com, or whatever, a good while beforehand to stop other people from using it. 'Why not try to predict further sequel website names so I can sell them to the film studio for a ridiculous amount of money?', you think. A simple, but scum-ridden scam I think! Potential websites to register (if not already gone): FreddyVersusJason.com, PoliceAcademy8.com, Alien5.com, DieHard4.com Terminator3.com BasicInstinct2.com, TrueLies2.com, Predator3.com, Robocop4.com.

Complain a lot
Believe it or not, companies truly stand by the motto "the customer is always right". So, as upstanding tightarses of society, let's take advantage of that shall we. The truth is, big companies don't want any hassle from the customer whatsoever and mostly never get any. So, when they do receive a complaint from a customer, it is usually a genuine inconvenience to the customer. Of course, a company can not have a disgruntled customer, so they send out any amount of vouchers, coupons and complimentary products simply to shut them up. So, why not complain just for the hell of it? You'll get shitloads of free stuff. Big companies will take any complaint seriously. Complain that there were only seven sausages in your tin of Heinz Beans and Sausages instead of the required eight, and you will get a 5 shopping voucher if you buy any Heinz product again. It is best to complain in writing, as this is the most formal method of them all, and indicates that you, as a customer, take the complaint very seriously. As a result, the company will too!





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