An Average Day : Us, average? Mean, more like.
Let's be honest, who can really be arsed reading all of this website? There is
far too much quality writing and HTML fancies to take in at once. Henceforth,
we present to you a succinct summary of the
typical day in University
life for you to peruse at your discretion.
This study takes into account all three years spent at University by a typical
member of any of the households presented to you on this website. Of course,
only the important facts are considered so you don't have to skip all the
boring bits. So, come now and live a life that is full and rich, the life of
Wenty Scum/The Ladz/The Lindley Dozen...
Chronology
| 11:30am |
Average wake-up time |
| 11:35am |
First wank |
| 12pm |
Breakfast, consisting of nothing or tea |
| 1pm |
Play cards/board game/computer game |
| 2.30pm |
Pay visit to corner shop. Get sweet-meats. |
| 3.30pm |
Possible mid-afternoon wank. Draw curtains. |
| 4.30pm |
Contemplate take-away. |
| 6pm |
Watch the Simpsons |
| 7.30pm |
Get take-away. |
| 8pm |
Venture down to bar. |
| 10pm |
Head off into town. |
| 11pm |
Piss off members of nightclub queue/bouncer/bar staff. |
| 1am |
Try it on. Get rejected. |
| 2:30am |
Kick out time. Get special burger. |
| 3:30am |
Arrive home. |
| 4am |
Go on rampage/vomit/sing loudly/bin surf. |
| 5am |
Collapse to the dulcet tones of Richard Whiteley. |
Food and Drink
Average number of pints of lager
consumed: 4
Probability of special burger: 20%
Probability of Fried: 45%
Average bags of crisps: 2
Average bags of pork scratchings: One trotter
Possibility of vegetables: 3%
Average microwaveable delights: 1
Most-used oven setting: 200 degrees
Average quantity of tea downed: 2 cups
Least-used kitchen appliance: Wok
Average quantity of soft drink consumed: 1 litre
Probability of chips with meal: 75%
Most likely pizza species: Meat Feast
Average bags of sweeties: 1
Average number of diet foods: 0
Leisure Interests
Average number of wanks: 2
Probability of third mid-afternoon wank: 40%
Minutes playing IS: 50
Minutes playing real fotball: 3
Percentage of lectures attended: 35%
Hours playing card games: 1
Hours playing board games: 1.5
Probability of afternoon wake-up: 25%
Minutes of videos watched: 173
Minutes spent singing in shower: 2
Average amount of time spent working (excluding revision):
0
Hours abusing the internet 1.5
Out and about
Average number of funny looks from people: 2
Minutes spent in total at the bar: 25
Minutes spent in front of urinals: 10
Average going out time: 8:30pm
Average coming home time: 3am
Girls offended: 3
Girls impressed: 0.3
Men impressed: 7
Probability of being approached to take part in a lesbian
threesome: 0.7%
Probability of dancing with a hom: 15%
Hours spent in nightclub: 3
Average number of bottles of VK downed: 7
Probability of leaving club with total strangers: 58%
Probability of retaining one's dignity: Surprisingly
high.
Chances of staying in: Slim to none.
Education
| Probability of attending 9:15 lecture |
15% |
| 10:15 |
20% |
| 11:15 |
60% |
| 12:15 |
65% |
| 1:15 |
70% |
| 2:15 |
72% |
| 3:15 |
65% |
| 4:15 |
40% |
| 5:15 |
30% |
| Average number of looks of disbelief you have attended a lecture |
3 |
| Number of people you don't like off your course |
25 |
| Number of people you do like |
2 |
| Average number of minutes spent in a one hour practical |
7 |
| Percentage of lecture spent doodling |
35% |
| Number of questions asked or answered in lecture |
0 |
| Probability of making supervisor's meeting on time |
40% |
| Number of course-related e-mails sent |
0 |
| Number of porn e-mails received |
27 |
| Minutes of concentration |
3 |
And that concludes our statistical survey. Hopefully, you have gained a brief
yet thorough insight into the workings of a typical day at the University of
York. Take it from us, there ain't nuffink like an average where we was
stayin', like. Ahem.
