Do not despair. The House of Bamboo went through some tough times just like you
probably are now. To relieve your boredom or ease your stresses, here is a big
list of things to do in your own home or squat. The only things you need are
your wits, a residence (preferably rented) and a shitload of condoms, chocolate
bars and eggs (although not for the same thing - that would be going too far).
Let the games commence.
The Tin Game
you are - sat on your arse, so bored that you'll eat anything to relieve the
boredom. But hey! Put yet more fun into eating to relieve boredom by playing
the Tin Game! The rules are very simple:
take a selection of tins in your cupboard, remove all the labels and toss them
in the bin or out the window. Now, mix up the tins and open them up to have a
surprise feast! How else could you have a meal consisting of Pedigree Chum
followed by Fruit Cocktail? The possibilities are endless. For the truly
adventurous, why not remove the labels from ALL your tins and then annoy
everyone in the house as they try to guess which tins holds their beans and
sausages? Please note that you should be very careful opening tins, especially
those goddamn ringpull ones.
Find your spell check name
Ever had to type your name in a Word document only to get a nasty red squiggle
under it? Fear not as this happens to the best of us. For all you 'Richard's',
'Toby's' and 'Clint's' out there (or as Word would have it, 'Retard's',
'Tubby's' and 'Cunt's'*) and everyone else with a name, try out this game when
you are bored and find the true meaning of your name. If you are unlucky enough
to have a name that actually exists in the dictionary then fear not! Simply
mispell your name and unleash the spell check! Lots of fun (for about 15
seconds). Here is a list of our spell check names:
* Expletive-Checker (tm) only available in Word 2000
Melt chocolate bars in the microwave
The title says it all. This game was invented one crazy day in summer when a
certain member of the house wanted some ice cream. So, off he trundled to the
freezer to get the ice
cream: 'Oh why did I get vanilla? I wish I had some more money so I could get
some Ben and Jerry's!'. Then, inspiration! 'I know,' thought the wily young
ragamuffin, 'I'll melt that Mars bar I have lying around and pour it on the ice
cream!' The problem was, being young, our friend was impatient so he stuck it
in the microwave (the Mars bar that is) to melt it. Much to his surprise, the
Mars bar bubbled furiously and actually looked spectucular. 'Wow,' he thought,
'I'm gonna melt more stuff!' And so the story goes, Snickers, Twixes, Caramels
and, yes, even Creme Eggs did not escape the microwave shenanigans of this
particular youth. So, the moral of the story is, if you are bored shitless,
melt stuff in the microwave until they bubble furiously or explode (we'll leave
you to find out which does what). Footnote: due to the neglection of the ice
cream, it melted too in the hot kitchen. Bugger.
Fill the bathtub with condoms
The game that finally proves our maturity. If you can get hold of loads of
condoms, and then find out you have no use for them, as most of us did,
while away the hours by filling up condoms with water and leaving them in the
bath. The ideal method of filling a condom with water is a two man operation so
grab hold of a friend, relative or beggar and have them support the condom as
you hold it over the running tap. Please note that the optimum capacity of a
condom should leave enough room to tie the end up. A good condom should be able
to enough water to be about as big as a basketball. Create enough condom water
balloons to fill the entire bathtub and then retreat. Wait for the stunned
reaction of your housemates when they espy your condom creation. Haha! They
know not what to do! Be careful when handling the condom water balloons,
however, since they tend to explode violently after too much handling.
An alternative to filling the bathtub with condoms is to fill a sink basin with
only one condom. Fill it with enough water so that the sink is completely
unaccessible and the condom can not be lifted out. The challenge is to make the
sink accessible again without getting water all over the place. Only for the
complete bastards out there!
The Burglar Alarm Game
Find out if you would make a good thief with The Burglar Alarm game (and you
don't even need a bag of swag!). Simply take one house with a burglar alarm and
two people. One person sets the alarm and the other person has to make his or
her way across the house to the alarm to reset it, moving so slowly so as to
avoid setting the alarm off. Make sure you don't have one of those alarms that
automatically alerts the police or that it's one in the morning and you're
Create an orgy collage
Have you 'read' all your porn mags so many times that you no longer 'read' them
any more? What a waste of £5! However, all is not lost. Breathe new life into
your porn mags by cutting them all up and making a mass orgy collage. Your
imagination is the only limit! Put girls (or boys) in impossible lovemaking
positions or have them act out your wildest fantasies! Of course, I can not
show you any examples because we would not revel in such filth (plus, the
webhost will kick me off if I show you some of the beauties, erm, we would like
to make). For added comedy effect, offend all your neighbours by sticking your
creation in the window for all to see! Please note that I take no
responsibility if you are arrested.
Make a claim for a personal injury
seen the ads on telly right? 'If you've
had an accident and it's not your fault, then claim compensation. And, if you
don't win, we won't charge you!'.
Sounds great, eh? So why not use them? Who knows, you might even get some
money. Remember, this is advice for ultimate bored people.
The best personal injury claim is whiplash, so I've heard, because it can't be
proven medically by a doctor whether you have it or not. And, you can blame it
on someone else! The money will come rolling in! Just don't get caught or you
could spend a spell in chokey.
If you want to play it safe, why not 'accidentally' trip up on a paving stone
in the High Street of your town or 'fall over' a railing at work and sue the
bastards for all they've got. Just in case, make sure you film it aswell so if
you get nowhere with the claims people, you can always send it off to 'You've
been framed' and get £250. Sorted. Respect due.
Cook eggs differently
Probably the most versatile of foodstuffs, the egg can be cooked in many ways.
You've got boiled, fried, scrambled, poached, omelette, switched (not sure if
this is an official egg cooking style), souffle etc... Why not try to introduce
a new egg-cooking style by combining these methods? Try it out for yourself.
Why not try boiling an egg and then frying it? It might be all right. How about
making an egg omelette out of chopped fried egg? I'll stop now to let your own
creative skills come to the fore. Just make sure the eggs aren't bad first
(they float in water).
Shave a part of your anatomy
This is a game that is available in one-player or two-player versions.
One-player versions are limited to the following parts of the anatomy: Legs,
pubic region, underarm hair, chest and bellyhair. Two-player versions: All of
the one-player versions plus the top of the head. You could shave your head in
one-player mode with a bit of difficulty but it is advised that you avoid this
mode since you could end up with a mohican. Two-player pubic region shaving is
a favourite of Mike and Robin by the way.
The Phantom Caller Game
A game to be played in a large house with several house members present.
Locate the house phone in a position that is far away from everyone in the
house at that moment. Then, take a mobile phone and discreetly phone the house
number. Wait until another house member begrudgingly goes to answer the phone
and then, at the moment they pick up the receiver, hang up! Haha!
For best results, locate phone next to bathroom and phone it when a member of
the house is in the bath. Repeat ringing until they get out of bath and then
hang up! Caution: do not be tempted to answer phone in a rude manner, e.g. 'Oh
fuck off!'. This could lead to sticky situations with your
landlord/parents/debt collectors. For even better results, dial the house phone
number with the prefix '141' thereby withholding your mobile number when the
pissed off housemate dials 1471 to check for a phantom caller. He or she will