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What We Learned : A century of shite
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Drinking water before going to sleep is a sure way to avoid a hangover.
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Excessive consumption of Stella Artois induces intense headaches.
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Taxi drivers aren't impressed even if you take the effort to open the car door
to vomit outside rather than inside.
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All conversations get round to the topic of masturbation eventually.
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Girls are not impressed by sarcasm.
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Condoms make excellent water bombs.
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The best special burgers originate from burger vans.
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You can live for an entire week on £10.
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Barclays allow for a £3,000 overdraft limit.
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Plastic pints taste a lot different to ordinary pints.
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ISS Pro Evolution Soccer 2 is the best game on the planet.
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Bouncers do not like engaging in conversations with the clientelle.
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Nightclub bar staff are the worst for judging queues at the bar.
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Basins provide a natural alternative to urinals.
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A pair of socks can be made to last for a whole week.
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You never have to buy books recommended by the lecturers.
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Approximately 50% of lectures are there to be missed.
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The hand on the bar is the best way to get served first.
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Absinthe actually makes you feel ill for two days.
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Unused lightbulbs explode a lot more than blown lightbulbs.
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Fences and gates are surprisingly easy to scale when drunk.
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Comedy dancing will get you nowhere.
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Playing an instrument or a sport will.
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End of year projects can actually be put off until the last three weeks and
still achieve 2.1 marks.
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A pizza left out for one week is the most spectacular example of biodegration
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Bread turns to dust after a month.
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Cleaners really don't like full untied bin bags.
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Girls do not appreciate recommendations of a good takeaway.
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Using fake names on mail order goods is a guarantee of a laugh.
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Hash brownies make you talk about everything more frankly.
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Dude, Where's My Car is the worst 78 minutes ever committed to film.
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Doner meat is the worst smell to wake up to in the world.
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To fall asleep before midnight is usually only due to illness.
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Hypnosex was the best late-night TV show, never to be seen again.
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Every single decent mp3 site will eventually get shut down.
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Not many people like Pek.
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Ye Olde Oak ham lasts a surprising amount of time.
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The death of old-style campus accomodation will be to the detriment of
University life.
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A good campus bar has to be dingy.
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Most of the girls you like are taken.
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Cherry Nutrigrain bars are lovely.
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Dressing gowns never need to be washed.
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Bed covers do.
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Nothing gets Snakebite and Black out.
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It feels good in a suit.
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Drunk people are the scariest thing when you're sober.
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They're your best friend when you're drunk.
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Garages are a surprising source of pornography.
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A good walk does you no end of good.
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Printing out notes is not work.
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Netto is the best value vendor of alcohol.
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Chicken Chargrills can be microwaved in 2 minutes.
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Old Motorola phones have the worst text messaging system ever.
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Phoning home drunk leads to quite frank conversations.
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Salt makes anything taste good.
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Snakebite and Orange is not very nice. Snakebite and Lime is OK. Snakebite and
Blue Bols should be avoided.
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Crank calls really do pass the time.
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HMV and Virgin take back anything. Even if you never bought the item from them.
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Odeon seats improve your posture.
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Ben and Jerry's is better than Haagen Dasz.
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If more than three people are watching the TV, the programme or film will
eventually be talked over.
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Powershowers are anything but.
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Powernaps are the saviour of many an all-nighter.
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Farting is really funny in an all-male house.
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Glasses tend to break quite easily.
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Computer games bring out the competitive nature in all of us.
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Butcher's curtains make great substitues for doors.
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Scamazon was the best money-saving scam ever. Sadly no more.
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Clothes that only need to be ironed are going-out shirts.
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Dishcloths can be made to last up to two months.
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Bar staff are never impressed if you ask for the usual.
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Going to a fancy restaurant will always induce the 'what knife and fork should
I use' ruse.
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The two sayings that induce at least one person to hum the song : 'Under
pressure' and 'How bizarre'.
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Toilet graffiti is really amusing.
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Defrosting chicken in the microwave is a precise art.
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Milk, margarine, bread, rice, pasta and cheese is communal whether you like it
or not.
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People are forgotten all too quickly.
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Bacon is the worst packaged foodstuff ever.
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A lot of people inexplicably like Total Recall.
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The music collection is the ultimate test as to how 'cool' you are.
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Burnt beefburgers really smell.
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CD writers are the greatest invention in the history of computers.
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Finding a job is hard work in itself.
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A lot of people find the word 'cunt' very offensive.
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Taking one's time in the toilet always raises an eyebrow.
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The big spiders always come out at night.
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Mayonnaise is on everything.
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Toilet paper is a valuable commodity.
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No one ever wants to pick up a take-away.
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Phone bills can be put off for a good four months before you pay them.
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The idea of going home for a weekend is more exciting than it actually is.
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Biscuits are the one thing that are the same in quality no matter the brand or
price.
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Just because bogeys taste like salt doesn't mean earwax tastes like pepper.
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South Park series 5 is the best thing ever to be seen on television.
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Buying rounds only occurs when drunk.
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Trying to get money back after buying a drink for someone in a nightclub is
futile.
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Cheap white wine is always horrible.
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Smiling for no reason induces worry.
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But smile anyway.
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Don't let the bastards grind you down.
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