Did you ever see The Dirty Dozen? Twelve mismatched, but loveable, criminals are pressed into completing an almost impossible mission under the guise of the laconic Lee Marvin. In the end they all die but they get the mission done, and in some style too.

Now, think of the twelve bastards that occupied Lindley D as the criminals and Lee Marvin as, erm, Ken the Cleaner. The mission of course was to complete third year and get some sort of degree out of the three years at York. But, they don't die. And some of us were on a four year course and still had another year to go. Hang on, this is a bit of a crap analogy isn't it?

Never mind. Here we present to you the 'Lindley Dozen' for your edutainment and personal safety. Remember the faces and cross over to the other side of the street when you see them coming. Arhrghr!


Ground Floor In-mates

Robert Coates

Age: 19 Aliases: Rock, Rockin' Rob Cell #: 01 Charge: BSc Mathematics Sentence: 3 years Profile: We hate to admit it, but Rock was all right. Gah! The only first year who managed to earn the respect of at least some of the third years, Rock was constantly under the impression that he was good at ISS. Now to be seen around the Tang Hall area, approach with caution.

Philip Marshall

Age: 19 Aliases: Little Phil Cell #: 02 Charge: BSc Mathematics Sentence: 3 years Profile: Little Phil was probably the best behaved in the house and as such not much is known about this particular first year. The first of the two Phils alphabetically, he had a canoe in his room, which may or may not have been used for canoeing. Shocker.

First Floor In-mates

Thomas Joslin

Age: 21 Aliases: Blonde Tom, Blondezvous Cell #: 11 Charge: BSc Computer Science Sentence: 3 years Profile: Along with Al, has recently completed a three year sentence in Computer Science. Blonde could frequently be heard to 'freestyle' 'rap' and 'hip hop' with his fellow in-mates, Andy and Dan. Also, the only one of the chaps to finish Uni with a girlfriend. YOU CUNT!

Philip Young

Age: 19 Aliases: Wacky Phil, Fil Cell #: 12 Charge: BSc Mathematics Sentence: 3 years Profile: The second of the first year Phils, Wacky Phil gained a reputation as being the craziest first year in the house after bringing back a roadwork cone back to D one night. Also responsible, along with Little Phil, for one of the four fire alarms Lindley D incurred.

Aaron Tinney

Age: 21 Aliases: Tinnoir, Aero Tiny Cell #: 13 Charge: BA English Literature Sentence: 3 years Profile: Master Tinney is the most dangerous of the 'Lindley Dozen'. Frequently seen to be picking fights at campus events, he should be avoided at all costs. Constantly hurls abuse at neighbours and has recently gained a reputation as a wife-beater.

Dan Carvalho

Age: 21 Aliases: Cardiaclo Cell #: 14 Charge: BSc Economics Sentence: 3 years Profile: Another HoB survivor, Dan cooled his sleaze tactics off considerably in the final year. However if you happen to work for Costcutters keep your distance. Other wholesome activities Master Carvalho took part in included bush-diving, playing ISS and general tomfoolery.

Alistair Findlay

Age: 21 Aliases: Alan, Fat Al Cell #: 15 Charge: BSc Computer Science Sentence: 3 years Profile: During the third year, Al could be seen to be taking part in many nocturnal activities such as bin-riding, rollerblading, caterwauling and generally disturbing the peace. A former HoB recruit, Al is now recovering from his three year sentence as a CompSci.

Richard Morfitt

Age: 21 Aliases: Morf, Morfamillion Cell #: 16 Charge: BSc Mathematics Sentence: 3 years Profile: Occasional songwriter and frequent stoner Morf was the first of the dozen to seal D's reputation as noisy bastards. A mere week into the third year, Master Morfitt played 'Grandma We Love You' at full volume on his newly-acquired record player at 2am. The neighbours duly responded with derogatory claims that Richard was a 'gobshite'. How astute they were.

Second Floor In-mates

Thomas Levitt

Age: 21 Aliases: Ginger Tom, Madman Cell #: 21 Charge: BA History Sentence: 3 years Profile: The second of the Toms, Ginger gained a swift reputation as being the most mentally imbalanced of the twelve. Has a particular skill in including the most bizarre references in his History essays (Noel Edmonds anyone?) and possesses a flair for picking football XI's. In other words, avoid if you wish to remain sane.

Andy Southcombe

Age: 21 Aliases: Andrew Cell #: 22 Charge: MSc Physics Sentence: 4 years Profile: Andy is still serving his four year sentence in Physics. Will be seen roaming around the Kwik Save area of York next year so be warned. He should be avoided at all costs, especially if you happen to have chocolate digestives on your person.

Toby Whiffin

Age: 21 Aliases: Tobias Cell #: 23 Charge: BEng Electronics Sentence: 4 years Profile: Toby managed to continue his trend for alcoholism into the third year by discovering the most lethal drink known to man, White Strike. Furthermore, combined with white wine in a pint glass to create 'Wine Strike'. Also, heard to disturb neighbours with bottle throwing and name-chanting. Verdict: Souse.

Brett Curtis

Age: 26 Aliases: The Enigma Cell #: 24 Charge: BSc Computer Science Sentence: 3 years Profile: Mr. Curtis did his three years in two stages, finishing off his final year six years after his first two. In his final year, gained an immediate reputation as an arsonist, rarely ever to be seen during the daylight hours. Will probably never be seen again come to think of it.