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The House Of Bamboo, 1999 and beyond

third year 01-02
Lindley Lexicon : More incomprehensible tosh
And so it came to bear that the English language would be bastardised once more to satisfy our need to exclude those from outside our circle and amuse ourselves. But now! Come join the ever-increasing circle as you, dear browser, are soon to have a new lexicon thrust upon you. Memorise and use these words wisely within your very own social group or just use them to sound immensely witty and refined like what we was.

So, in the words of Smash TV, 'Let-let's go!'

A | B | C | D | E | F | G | H | J | M | N | O | P | Q | R | S | T | U | V | W | XYZ

Absolute and Hennessy mix (Ultimate! Ultimate!) : Probably derived from a 'rap' 'song', this was the chant to be heard most frequently around the Lindley D house (first floor). Mostly because honorary 'niggas' Dan and Blonde Tom lived there.

Arhgrhrgrhg : Best applied in textual-based correspondence, this phrase succinctly expresses extreme displeasure at a recent event. For example, 'The cleaner bust in my room when I was pleasuring myself at my computer. Arhgrhrhgrhrgr'. Note that the order of r's, g's and h's is very important.

Ballbag : Scientifically known as the 'scrote', ballbag can also be used to describe something as being decidedly under-par. As in, 'Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back is the most ballbag film I've ever seen'.

Brown, The Proverbial : HP Sauce (otherwise known as nippy sauce).

Suitable for pies, sausages, bacon and other meats. It says here.

Christ on a bike : Blasphemous juxtaposition used to express exasparation.

Chutney Ferret : A hom.

Cuntfucker : The worst swear word in the English language. Inclusion of such a word in a movie will immediately garner an 18 certificate. Use of the word in the sentence, 'Go fuck some cunts, you cuntfucker' will get the film banned. Use it now!

Desmond : A Class 2 Division 2 honours degree. As in, Desmond Tutu = 2.2. For example, 'Yes! I got a Desmond and I did no work!'. Also known as the Drinker's Degree.

D-O-L-E : A remix of D-I-S-C-O used to jollily describe what most of us had to face after graduating. Altogether now! 'I'm on the D-O-L-E, Dole; D-O-L-E, Dole. It is D - Department, It is O - Of, It is L - Labour, It is E - Employment; It is Do-o-o-ole!. Repeat until pension.

82296 : The high-score of the Easy Street level of Paperboy achieved by Al. Never to be broken by Rock, even if he played it for a million years. Hahahahaha.

Rock smiles for the press.

Filth : A highly-derogatory term used to describe a particularly unattractive person. See stink.

5:30 Countdown Deadline : You there! Pick up a TV guide and look at 5:30am, or thereabouts, on Channel 4. Countdown should be on. Now, if you manage to fall asleep before or during Countdown, you're fine. Otherwise, if you reach the end, you have officially carried out an all-nighter. Trying to get to sleep is futile so plan your sleep effectively in the daytime. Otherwise, you will enter Vampire mode.

Fried, The Proverbial : The best take-away known to man. Even though they couldn't tell the difference between two and three, tomato and tomato sauce, amd large and medium, we still loved them. And they loved us for we were the only people in York who ever ordered from them. Shame. Keep the spirit alive if you're ever in York. (01904) 466668. Go go go! Erm, by the way, they're called American Chicken aswell.

Gobshite : Strictly not a Lindley D-ism, rather a term picked up from the canon of a neighbouring house. A 'gobshite' is one who plays 'Grandma We Love You' at full volume at 2am for all to appreciate and reflect upon. After all, the world would be a better place if we all loved our grandma.

Harold : Another nom de plume used for ordering stuff of the internet.

Tea at Lindley D was exactly like this. No, really.

IS : The affectionate term for ISS Pro Evolution Soccer 2 on the Playstation. Officially the Game of Champions and the best game to see the light of day on the Playstation. Forget the PS2 version, which is shite.

Job : Associated phrases: 'When are you getting a job, son?', 'Why don't you have a job yet, son?', 'I bet every one else has a job, son', 'McDonald's Management Training Programme', 'D-O-L-E, Dole!', 'Arhgrhrhrghrghrghrghrg!'

Ken Manchild : Otherwise known as 'Ken the Cleaner'. Ken was the best cleaner Lindley D would ever know, employed between the months of October and March. He mysteriously vanished in April, to be replaced by three heathen SOB's who constantly gave us grief about the overflowing bins, rotten pans and honking fridge. Time shall not whither our fond memories of you, Ken. Even if you were called Peter. Oh.

MAME : We liked a good computer game and no mistake. What else did we have to do? Work? Hahha. Anyway, when not playing IS or GTA3, a couple of us played on MAME. MAME was an arcade emulator on which one could play Paperboy, Commando, Street Fighter and STUN Runner etc. The roll-call of the champions of each hotly-contested game at the close of third year is as follows:
  • Commando : Aaron, High score, 3rd level
  • Paperboy : Al, High score, Easy Street
  • Ping Pong : Rock, Level 5 almost complete
  • Rainbow Islands : Al, Completed
  • STUN Runner : Andy, Richard, High Score, Completed

Meego! : Some shite programme on Channel 4 in the wee hours of the morning. Stars the kid out of Jerry Maguire and some lourd playing a dumb-arsed alien. Watching this is a prime symptom of Vampire Mode.

Nice Twist! : If there was ever an over-used random sound-bite in the house, this was it. Derived from a McDonald's advert in which some rudeboy praises the quality of a McChicken Premiere by exclaiming, 'Nice twist! Definitely hectic!'. Nice twist was subsequently used to describe anything that brought pleasure to the masses. It was also used to describe a new flavour of Fanta, actually known as Fruit Twist. Example use : 'Alison got evicted from Big Brother! Nice twist!'

9:15 : Lie-in.

Al misses his Computerised Toilets lecture to lie in with his girlfriend. Hang on...

Overdraft Limit : 1st year : £750, 2nd year: £1,000, 3rd year : £1,500, Beyond : broken thumbs.

Pies! : Along with lardy cake, this describes all kinds of food traditionally eaten by the obese of the world. For example, 'Get the pies in lad, I could eat the arse off a scabby horse'.

Queen Qrouton : To be found mostly in the area of Hull, the queen oversees the manufacturing of croutons to be found in a Cup-A-Soup or Pot Mash near you. Her responsibilites are to oversee the giants frying the giant pieces of bread which are then passed on to the midgets who cut them into tiny squares that we call croutons. The Queen then personally signs each crouton and drops them, ten at a time, into each sachet of soup. Marvellous. That'll do for Q, won't it?

Rankest : See filth, stink. And we wonder why we didn't have much luck with women, eh eh?

Regalier : King. Derived from a French deck of cards, whereby King was 'R' rather than 'K'. Even though the R stands for Roix, it was commonly held that Regalier sounded better and so made more sense. So there.

Rents, The : Parents.

Richard : A Class 3 honours degree. As in, Richard The Third = Third. For example, 'Yes! I got a Third and I did no work but did plenty o' drugs. Aiiiight!'. Also known as the Stoner's Degree.

Star Trek : Star Wars. And vice versa.

Confusion reigned for minutes when asking Warner Village for 6 tickets for this.

Stink : As with 'filth' before it, stink is the more severe word used to describe a person whose appearance is quite grotesque. Not to be used lightly.

Stinker : One who stinks.

Strike, The : The Strike, or White Strike as officially known, was an 8.5% strength white cider found in the local corner shop for £1.50 per 2 litre bottle by Toby. Needless to say, The Strike incurred several of the crazy shenanigans featured elsewhere on this website. It is only a matter of time of time before The Strike is served on draught in pubs across the world. Rejoice! See Wine Strike

Testicles : Spectacles. As in, 'I can't believe I forgot my testicles again. How will ever be able to enjoy the porn festival now?'

Thwarted by pussy : Now then. This phrase originates from the cries of sheer frustration when playing Paperboy. Part of your job is to avoid cats (hereafter referred to as 'pussy') as you deliver your newspapers. To be struck by romaing pussy is henceforth heralded by the shout of 'Thwarted by pussy!'. This phrase also applies to any outing to a York nightclub.

Turgid : The best-sounding word used to describe a slow-moving film or programme off the telly. Combined with 'shite', it provides a concise insight into the working of the particular piece of film-making. For example, 'Dude Where's My Car is the biggest pile of turgid shite ever to grace my 14" incher'.

Update : Roughly translates to 'I have loads of work to do but I can't be arsed to do it so, instead, I'll waste five hours writing a webpage that approximately four people will read. And not understand.'

Vampire Mode : Vampire mode can be brought about by two main occurrences - a drink based all-nighter or more likely, a work-based all-nighter. Entering into vampire mode causes a temporary re-adjustment to the body's sleep cycle and also incurs high discomfort when exposed to daytime. Vampire mode, however, virtually guarantees the meeting of deadlines and allows one to peruse the fine selection of TV shows for the unemployable (Meego! was an inexplicable house favourite). A bastion of Vampire mode was Brett, who was regularly seen to be stalking the kitchen at the hours of 3 to 5am. Woo-oo-oo!

Another successful night out at Ziggy's.

Wenty Scum : Approximately twenty in number around Halifax College, they still survived! But only seven or eight (i.e. us) actually made the name mean something. Respect due.

Wife-beater, The : Stella Artois.

Wine Strike : Oh dear. This is officially the worst drink one can ingest but it is oh-so simple to make! Take an empty pint glass, fill halfway with The Strike and top up with white wine. That's it! Consume within ten minutes and we'll see you in the infirmary!

You Cunt! : In the year of 2002, Zurich ran an advert that featured a rather scary Peter O' Toole screaming 'You Can!' to a hapless, young rugby-playing ragamuffin. However, the delivery of this line by auld Pete actually sounded more like 'You Cunt!'. Of course, this was immediately picked up by the house and used at every opportunity to baffle outsiders. You Cunts!

You've got a lot to learn before you beat me. Try again, kiddo haahhaha! : Before Street Fighter 2 in 1991, there was Street Fighter in 1987. As you can probably guess it was turgid in the extreme. Fights lasted approximately five seconds, what with computer enemy punches knocking off a third of your energy while yours took 5% off theirs. Anyway, the only thing that truly saved the game was the appearance of this bizarre quote when you lost, delivered in the funniest Chinese American-accent voice ever heard. In fact, this put-down can be used in any computer game or real life situation. Use it now!

hobhome | first year 99-00 | second year 00-01 | third year 01-02 by A. Findlay 2002-2004... 2019
...Until I get bored again.